I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
