the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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