When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
