This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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