just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
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Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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