That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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