im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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