So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
