the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
