Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
