Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
