I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
