do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
