Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Too much gin, very little bucket
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
