Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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