I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
