FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
