My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
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He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
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No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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