I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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