I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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