I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize