You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
