I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
