so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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