Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
