Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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