So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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