Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
