does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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