I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
