I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
