TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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