He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
