my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
