Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
