Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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