I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
