this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow