Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
