I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)