dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.