It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
