just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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