Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
