It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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