yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
