my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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