haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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