I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize