the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
