who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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