I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
