sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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