"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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