Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
