I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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