there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
