I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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