had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
