Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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