All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
