I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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