Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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