R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
