Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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