I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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