Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I have surprise drugs for everyone
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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