I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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