Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
