the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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